Saturday, June 23, 2012

Here’s my deep thought for today: You can't wrap life up into a pretty package where everything is organized and seems to make sense. You just can't. If you try to, there's a chance that before you know it you'll come to the discovery that everything and everyone is a lot more broken than you realized, and life is delicately held together by invisible strings that you definitely don't control.

And by you, I mean us.. and, to be exact, me. I'm far from conformed to the image of Christ. I try, but He's kind enough to keep the pressure on me so I can see just how much I need to lean on Him. I've been asking Him, "Make me hungry for you." I've been singing songs like the one by Sarah McMillan:

"I want to fall in love once again. I want to be more desperate once again. I want to lose my sleep once again, falling in love with you."

Those are fighting words, and they feel uncomfortable to say when I’m satisfied and complacent in life. But I do want to grow, so I will keep praying those hard prayers until there's no need for them anymore. (In eternity.) So I prayed, and I got my answer: a stripping away of the things that make me feel capable and in control, a gaping window into my barrenness and need.

Oh joy. No sweeping introduction, it just popped up on me. Thanks, God? I have to say, it’s been pretty miserable at times, but through it all I’m rediscovering the sweetness of leaning on the chest of my Beloved. I know my need, my complete dependence on him. When you think about it, is there any price too great to pay for intimacy with the God of the whole universe?

Don’t quote me on that one.
But really. It’s almost exhilarating.

Through it all my prayer is, "Please don't let me waste these trials." and "Please don't leave me in this season for long."

That’s what’s been going on around here. I’d love to win the Proverbs 31 woman award for being fantastic at everything, but unfortunately I fall short in more ways than I care to mention. So I won’t! :D I just thought I’d come on over and write anyway, since we all come from broken stock and it’s nice to hear people admit it now and again.

Wait, maybe I admit it a lot more than that. Well, whatevs.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way….

I can’t believe our time here is almost up. Just a little over a week left, when I thought it would be years. Even when we were in Indiana visiting, this wasn’t anywhere on the horizon. But here we are, the crazy crazies that we are, packin’ up all our earthly goods to move and live in who knows what house, doing who knows what, for who knows how long. Yeah, that’s how we roll! Can’t accuse us of being boring or unpredictable!

We had an early birthday party for me so I wouldn’t have to miss out on celebrating with the friends. We also had our going away party where so many lovely people gathered around and prayed wonderful prayers for us and I wanted to cry hard, but instead just quietly sniffled and smudged my make-up for the rest of the evening. It was great.

I feel a subdued kind excitement, and a lot of curiosity about what exactly the future holds. If you asked me what I think we’ll be doing in a year, I’d have to tell you………. Well. I’d have to tell you that I don’t know. I meant to write something more clever, but that’s the limp truth standing before you. I’m the kind of girl that rides off boldly into the sunset for new adventures, but steels herself in the process for the dragons that might swoop down to eat her off her dashing steed. Either way, it’ll make for a good story later. For now I’m just holding on real tight to this wild stallion of a life and putting all my hope and faith not in my awesomeness, not in my husband’s awesomeness, but in the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness to us. Dragons look like fruit flies before Him. And you can quote me on that one.


  1. It DOES always "make for a good story later," doesn't it :-) Just think of all the wonderful blogs that are to come as your 'wild stallion of a life' takes you to Indiana...
    I ARE doing amazing already, because you somehow manage to fit You, Chris and the two little ones on a STALLION! ;-)
    Keep keepin' us posted on the journey, Friend

  2. Yes, I ARE doing amazing already. I just simply can't wait.

  3. God's vicious with them dragons. I know this.

    i love you, beautiful girl.