Today I flipped the page on our calendar to reveal another quirky Norman Rockwell painting and an inspirational quote. "Come grow old with me, the best is yet to be." It's sweet, isn't it? Romantic, idealistic. And yet, that's the kind of thing that keeps us going, isn't it. Hope in love, hope for a bright future. It's the very thing that has spurred Chris and I into making a big decision for our family. We're dreaming about years to come, and the kinds of places we can go if we carefully weigh out our decisions today. "Winging" life has been fun and exciting, and God has always rewarded our confidence in his care of us. It feels like the time has come to do something different, though. Something new. June will be the last chapter of our life as we know it. After quite a bit of tears, prayer, talking and dreaming... we've decided to pull up our roots and head north again. It's a big, scary decision that didn't come lightly. There are so many things to consider, so many dear people to leave behind. We had to decide whether or not it was worth it. And you know what we decided? Hope is worth it. There's just no physical way of moving forward with our dreams if we stay here. We can keep making it month to month like we have been, but it feels like something has shifted on the insides of us. We can't, shouldn't, mustn't go on like this. There's a new vision for us, and we have to go and run after it.
What if this isn't the right move for us? What if we don't hear perfectly from the Lord? What if things don't pan out like we want? What if we don't find community? I couldn't sleep past 4am yesterday morning, with thoughts like this swirling through my head. I got up, put on this music, and opened my Bible to proverbs. Proverbs is full of wisdom.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.: Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)
I cried as I read these words and other words. He's so good, so faithful. We can trust him.
There have been other little encouraging sign posts along the way. There've also been a few conversations that have made us double-check our motives and make sure we've thought things through the way we should. After all the talking, it still felt right.
I know it will probably feel hard for a while. It will be SO different. I'll have to be a pioneer all over again, and try to make a lovely home out of something that won't be anything close to lovely when we get there. But it will be unto something. I'll have family, and I'll have something new to look forward to when the hard work is done. Yeah, it means I have to pack again, sigh. It means I have to say goodbye to this cute little house we put so much work into. It means I have to say goodbye to sweet friends I wanted to hold on to forever. Even worse, it means breaking Mimi's heart by taking away her babies. In a perfect world we wouldn't have to make so many hard sacrifices, but we're just hoping that if we make these sacrifices now we'll have the opportunity of building a strong family from the bottom up.
So, roughly one more month of Texas before we head up to Indiana. If you think of it, please pray for us to be sustained by God's grace and kindness.