Saturday, June 25, 2011

Let's take some deep breaths.

Here marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life. The one where I earn the title "mother of two." My mom came to be with us when I was 33 weeks along with Finkle. She's helped out in countless ways since she's been here: feeding us, taking care of Dootle, helping with laundry, tidying up, keeping the baby in the mornings so I can get some sleep. Basically I was allowed to be a baby myself all over again. You know that bitter thing that happens when you become a mother and you get sick one day and there's no one to take care of you? Not only that but you have to take care of someone else while you're ill? Well, I was able to revert to being a child and having a mother again during the most exhausting, painful part of pregnancy and recovery. I've been ridiculously blessed!

And now she's going home and it's time to step up to the task at hand. I've prayed and prayed that God would give me the grace to do this and be happy while I do it. It's not that I don't enjoy the thought of being the sole mistress of my home, and caretaker to my two babies, I do! I'm just afraid that sleep deprivation and loneliness might get the best of me sometimes. While mom was here I not only had help but I had one of my best friends in life to talk to all the time. I could talk to her about anything, whenever. No one else shows as much interest in everything I have to say or laughs at me like she does. It's not just me she's like this with, it's people in general. She has a unique ability of not only acting like she cares about people, but actually caring. She listens to your stories and gives you the best responses you could hope for. "Wow, you did that? You're amazing!!! You're the most wonderful person in the universe!" It's endearing, to say the least.

So, yeah, I'm going to miss her company. It can be hard to get out of the house with two babies under two. Well, actually, getting out of the house wouldn't be hard once I packed a full diaper bag, put decent clothes on the boys, put decent clothes on myself, fixed my head to look decent, ate, fed the boys, and wasn't completely demoralized by having one or both of them crying at me for attention the whole time I was getting ready. But where would we go? Wherever we go I have to keep up with a toddler while I handle a 3-month-old, which is challenging in environments that aren't baby proofed. AKA, the world in general.

Change is exciting, though. I feel capable since I've had a few months to recover my energy from that whole draining childbirth experience, and also to adjust and get organized after our move. I know I'll probably encounter some difficult hurdles in this new season, but I have hope. Chris now has almost two whole days a week without any work commitment, and we've instituted date night! Date nights lately involve things such as library trips where we sit on a couch together for an hour and read books we find to our separate likings. Oh, and thrift stores. Sometimes Taco Bell. Usually the romance is thick enough to cut with a fork... Anyway, we'll just have to find someone else to leave the urchins with now that grandma is gone.

I'll miss you, mama. You were the best mom, friend, and post-partum doula anyone could have!


  1. You'll do fine. You're stronger than you realize and give yourself credit for. You've survived, adapted to, and dealt with more things in your life than I would care to think about. You're magnificent and amazing and I know you're going to continue being an awesome mother. Just don't think you have to be a super hero and make sure to let Chris handle things when you get frizzed.

  2. so good, mike. i agree.

    ~lovin you, hannah.

  3. I'm sure you'll have no problem adjusting! Being a full-time, SAHM is both awesome and at times frustrating - only when the loneliness and isolation gets to you. BUT, at those times? I find it best to just pack up the kiddo and go to the mall. Even if I'm not buying anything, a change of scenery does a world of goodness!